Had the first worst arguement with my best friend last nite... i know.. its my fault.... its my fault thinking too much... n i gave him a big 747... its my fault....
Its my fault he didn't get to see his chem paper... his results.... i hope he lets me help out.... i really dun mind being brushed.... but i dunno y he doesn't want me to help him out... he is trying to avoid me.... i know tat.... maybe... leaving is good.. at least he won't feel so bad... seeing me.... haiz.....
i dunno wat to do... i should leave hsc actually.... really... since if i m going na drop add maths.... there's nothing i can do....! he feels bad about not getting his results... n its my fault... n he got brushed for nothing... and its all my fault... n he doesn't even wanna talk about it.... n...
i should leave... i still can go on for another path actually.... i dun mind stopping everything.... i really dun mind..... i m jamming my head up again.... the only reason i m staying in this corse.. the only reason i try brainwashing my self to stay on... to try on my best is not because of my dad... he thinks tat it but its actually not.... i dun have the guts to tell him.. its because of him i m staying on.. haging on... i dun even know y i made this stuoid decision... but thn.. if he really doesn't wants to be with me.... if he still thinks being wif me is having pressure.. i rather just leave.... i really dun wan him to feel bad... not able to take the results... i wanna help him out.... i really do... but thn.. he doesn't wants my help.....
I feel really really really bad..... lucky tmr is a holiday... i still have time to think through.... i told him i m going on.... i just dun wan him to give me anymore advise... he is the reason i m staying on..... i wanted to leave since the first day..... now i have the chance to but... i dun wanna leave a friend..... leaving a friend just like tat... its not worth it... lossing a friend....
But thn.. he doesn't even wanna sit my car anymore.... i should just leave... I won't want to go to school on friday anymore... since i m making him feel so bad..... tat's it.. i m leaving.... leaving for good..... so that he would feel better.... i dun wan him to feel lock up... i shuld leave.... i really should.....
He thinks my mind is finally injam.. actually... it has been jam since the day i meet him.. n been friends with him.. i just dun show it....i try keeping it in.... n its really bad for me to argue with him last nite.... i know...cause i couldn't stand it....
its my fault.. i wanna appolgies.. he doesn't want to think about it.. he is just running away from it.... n so now... i will make him feel better.. since hanging around with me is so terrible for him.... i will leave.... for good.... its settled...
Thanks for giving me such a long advise..... Thanks for spending the past few months with me.... i will help u feel better.... i will.... N this is the best way.... our friendship has broken apart... i can c a big hole... a really big one.. n nothing we do can mend tat back.... nothing i can do.... n nothing you can do.... I'll miss you.. i really will... but i'll do anything... so long as u feel better.... i won let u have anymore pressure.. i will not interupt in your daily life... if that's wat is best for u.. i will do it......
A cut can heal.. but the scare is there forever.... i know i can;t ask u to forget wat i have done.... its stupid to do so... so this is the best way... the best way for us.... i m not trying to hide.. i offered help.. n u dun want it... n.. there's not more i can do.... i m not like you.... i can't even handle my own life... i dunno how to help u solve yours.. that is why i m offering simple help... help tat can at least make u feel better abit.. n u reject it.... i know.. u dun wanna face it.. u dun wanna think about it.... u wanna try n forget it....
N this is the best way... for you to be happy.... the moment you don't see me... the time u dun even need to remember me.... so.. this is goodbye....
GOODBYE~ i dun wish for u to forget everything... i hope that when u see the scare in your heart.. u'll see the times we spent together.. the happy times we spent together instead of the times we argued and all.... GOODBYE~
